kramer

so i'm gonna be completely blunt and personal here. last night was the weirdest experience of my life, considering my best friend witnessed the whole act. i never thought i would have sex with that boy, but i guess that's what you do when you've had so much to drink that you're still drunk at 7 in the morning. [January 15, 2006]

sometimes i think that every day with him exacerbates every bad feeling i've had before. it makes me wonder if i'm really worth sometone's time and heart for a real relationship. i find myself waking up partially unclothed, shivering, and alone, only to wonder if maybe i was alone that whole night. i can easily see why people say they're in love right after sex, because i know crazy thoughts like that have popped into my head, but i reason mmy way out of it. nonetheless, i wish i could have the freedom to say, think, and feel emotions like that, but it's against our only rule. and i'm not okay with this. it breaks my heart every time he tells me about the foolishness of love, because it's something i want so badly. [March 6, 2006]

On my way home, I saw a shooting star that was like none other. It was the size of a quarter moon, with its tail longer than none I've ever seen before. It blazed across the sky for several seconds, and disappeared only after I made a wish. I wished and wished and wished, harder than I've ever wished before. And I'm just hoping that this time, maybe this time, it will come true. [June 11, 2006]