what i once perceived as guiding and resolute, is now fallible and anemic. you have no fucking clue about anything; you never did, and you never will because you are a simple-minded, fragile human being.
i did my own growing up. despite the fact that others love you, you showed me nothing about learning, loving, or living. i wish i could say that i want to show you how much you failed, but i can't say that because that breaks my heart. i feel bad for you, and it makes me cry.
my only question is if everyone else feels this way. i've tried and tried to repress it all, but holding it in much longer would render me dishonest. i want it to fix.
i feel angry, hurt, cheated, and too responsible. maybe it always was my fault.
i'm drinking out of your blue crystal chalice, and there's nothing you can do to stop me because there are no rules.
[September 10, 2004]
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